I haven't been really "writing" since I graduated high school. I missed it actually. Shocking as it may seem, it's already half of my first semester in La Salle. [I just realized I didn't make any blog entry about my first day in college or even my expectations for the upcoming year. Haha. Well, for a change.. ;)]
Honestly, I have been very worried, confused, doubtful these past few weeks [months na nga ata eh]. I never imagined myself going to La Salle. I never saw myself in Political Science.
So, the question is, 'How come I ended up in a school that I don't like and in my least course choice?" Yes, readers, I'm sure you'll tell me that God has a reason why He placed me here. I know, I know. Sometimes, it's just really frustrating because everything is uncertain. I am not sure about what I want in life.
On top of it, I FEEL like I'm not good at anything. I do love reading but I don't think I'm good at writing. I love planning events and working with people but I do not think that I'm good enough. I am interested in political activities but I am not extremely articulate or good at speaking, specifically debating. I enjoy theater and stage direction but I think that's only one of my interests. I am obviously in love with music but I am a master of none.
I know these are all just emotions and these are not true.
But yes, I do not know where God is taking me in the next three years. I just know that He has called me to go full-time. I do not know if now, or after ten years. I do not know how.
What I know is that He wants the best for me even if most of the time it is hard to believe. But I will trust Him regardless of what may have you.
Love-life-wise? Zero. Hehe. Disco has been completely gone and I'm glad he is. Congratulations. Although, someone in church likes me but I do not want to start thinking about it so yes, I will not try to think about it.
I am starting to miss high school. Everything was easy back then. We all had friends to depend on. Same rin naman in college although it really is different compared before. In high school, you can submit your papers even if it is not on time. I think high school made me a little complacent. So I am learning the hard way. Here in college, I am on my own. I am allowed to do whatever the hell I want. I am challenged by different beliefs, different opinions, different principles, different people. Everything is new. Everything is difficult. College is a bitter pill, wherein you just have to suck it in no matter how hard it may be. Regardless of how heavy-loaded the course is, here, you have no choice but to face it and beat yourself up. What's wrong with me in the past few days is that I have been beating myself up too much to the point of not being able to take some time with my friends, which is unhealthy. I have been so busy - focusing on getting a high grade even if I do not LIKE and ENJOY the course. I'm not really sure if I don't actually. At some days, I do enjoy, at times I don't. Most of the time, actually. Ah, gulo.
I have a lot of things to do this weekend:
1. Finish my term paper on Polisci
2. Finish my Citigov case study
3. Finish my Scimatp Project
4. Finish my Citigov policy proposal
5. Read reading materials for Intglos and Citigov
I am so exhausted. I am dead T T
Hay Lord. Please just show me where to go..
"Go for I am sending you. You must lead My people out of the country. I will be with you. I Am who I Am. Tell them I Am has sent me to you. "
