2009.
It was definitely a tough year. At least for me.
College test results. Prom. Graduation. College. Kuya Joray leaving GC. Kuya Jeff taking over. New roles. Definitely rough. Plus the fact that there were a lot of tragic deaths like Michael Jackson's, Brittany Murphy's, Ate Nor's, jaw-dropper scandals and corruption like Hayden Kho's, GMA's, the Ampatuan massacre and of course, horrible and heart-breaking natural disasters such as Ondoy.
Many of us have been hurt and have faced humongous problems. For myself, I had to face a lot of big decisions that I never thought I would overcome. Not only that, I had to look for answers to questions that kept on popping throughout the year. Questions like "who do I want to be in future?", "what course must I take?", "why did God allow me to fail UPCAT and ACET?", "why didn't I get into UPLB?", "why did He place me in La Salle?", "what should I do with Justin?", "what is my role in GC?", "what do I really want?" and more importantly, "who is the real Mica?" I was not only pushed to face these but I had to face these with courage and yes, faith. I think that was the very lesson that I learned this year. I had to just keep on believing and believing and believing regardless if it is difficult to accept and understand. I kept my faith until today.
Failing UPCAT was a little acceptable but to not see my name in the list of people who passed ACET, it was unacceptable. I failed. Again. But I got through with it. I didn't have a choice but to accept that I ONLY passed DLSU. I know it was not possible to get in UP because I know am smart but, unfortunately, things weren't meant to be. I even tried to get into UPLB because I did not want to give up. But nah, it did not work out. So I just believed that God had a better plan for me. There must be a reason why. There should be. So at the end of the year, I think He did not want me to enter UP because I was not ready to survive there yet. At the same time, I would have screamed and grumbled about being in Ateneo everyday because I would not enjoy the culture and the environment it has. So, I am happy that I am in La Salle now, even if it studying there meant stress. Luckily, I adapted to the Lasalle life. I learned how to work under pressure, work fast, adapt to change as fast as possible, and become independent (at least at a certain level). So it was not tragic as I thought.
College had changed my outlook on life, love and all that jazz. It has taught me so much about myself as well. I knew what my strengths were and my weaknesses at the same time. I learned so much that I can finally say that it was all worth it. I became more open-minded, more analytical, more cautious, more confident, more organized and ask the other people how much I have improved (I hope they would say I did). I was boyless but screw it, I survived without having one. I was joyfully single and ready to mingle (kidding, not yet). I think the most important thing I learned in college was that you earn what you reap. When you have a goal and right motives, you will get your reward. I never thought that I would become a dean's lister for two consecutive terms. It was really God who backed me up each and every day, especially at some days where I cry all through the night and break down. He was there. That was the answer.
Being boyless is something that I am proud of. Although during the first few months of the year, I had a little (okay not a little) problems with boys. I was needy then. I was selfish. I was manipulative. I did not like him as much as I thought I did but I kept him drawn to me because I needed security and this acceptance every girl wants. But things went where I knew it was going. I left him hanging, saying that I did not like him at all. I did not explain the real reason why I ended things with him even if there wasn't any serious relationship between us. I just had to clear things up with him. So after a few months, I learned that I do not have to seek love and attention from boys. I had God. I had my family. I had my friends. That was adequate enough to explain why I do not have to have a boy. Eventually, I became happy. But it did not mean that I stopped liking boys. I was just focused on other important things that must be given more priorities. So the year ended without me having a boyfriend or even a suitor.
Because I was preoccupied with a whole lot of activities and responsibilities (without having a boylet of course), I was faced with a lot of challenges with the people I work and live with too. Being part of the youth ministry was not easy as I thought it was. I distanced myself from some of my friends. (I really do not know who aloofed first) Even my best of friends left me and found another me. (Im not really sure if they think that way) So I became awkward and even more quiet than usual. On top of that, some of them did foolish things that I did not want to believe. They went under disciplinary action. One even rebelled completely. But most of them just left. (And maybe we'll see them next camp) So situations in church got a little messy. Add the fact that Kuya Joray left GC and handed it over to Kuya Jeff, which was quite a shocker for most (even if we knew it was coming). It was pretty difficult to handle because we had to underwent (and will still undergo) a lot of changes. That means we all had to step up. I had to step up. And not just step up but step out of my own self. As expected, God told me to rise up and become Kuya Jeff's assistant coordinator. Honestly, I do not know how to become one but I will learn and I will try. It has always been in my heart to take care of people so I guess it wouldn't be that much of a problem. GC this year was pretty rocky but I am more excited on what God is going to do next year (oh this year)
I did not only struggle with my acads and ministry, but I also had to overcome my personal challenges. I had to face my insecurities, my past and continued figuring out the real Mica. I know I can be pretentious, alright I am. But this year, I just wanted to see the real me and let other know that. But I still struggle. I hope I did took off at least one layer of pretention. But more than that, I hope I matured even just a little bit.
Writing down everything that has happened to me for over the past twelve months would take a loooong loooong time so I will try to wrap things up. Despite of the problems and challenges that came my way, I learned a lot.
(Because I think stories are made up with good endings) One thing (okay two things) that overshadowed all the scandals and problems and failures is that I got closer to my family and that I learned to value them oh-so-much. I now know how important they are to me. And ultimately, God never left me just like what He promised sixteen years ago. He was with me every step of the way.
From graduating to getting my First Honors Certificate, He was there, right by my side holding my hand never leaving me no matter what happens until the next year ends, until time ends.
