To 'Mother'

Just recently, I had a conversation with my mentor who's about to give birth in a few months. She was telling me how excited and at the same time nervous she was. She said she never experienced taking care of a baby; she wonders what it's like to change diapers, breastfeed, and carry the baby for the first time.

I am obviously not a mom but I guess I'm having a glimpse of what it's like to mother.

Pause for a sec. No, I'm not with child or even wanting to get pregnant soon.

We are not all mothers but I think every woman is called "to mother."

It's in her DNA. She was made to nurture, to train, to educate, to bring life and beauty to the world around her. She is uniquely gifted to help others in their lives become more of who they really are - to encourage, to nurture and to ezer them towards their true selves.

At a young age, I did not really expect that I was going to start taking care of young girls (young-er and well, more troubled than me). I used to think "I am not mature enough yet," "I am not yet ready." And well besides, I was worried that I couldn't balance it with all the clutter and demands in my life. But I guess this has always been buried in my heart so I decided to drop all those excuses and responded to the call of motherhood (or pastoring or discipleship, whatever you wanna call it).

I have been reflecting that what I (ought to) do (in church, we call "lifegroup leading") isn't just simply meeting my girls and bombard them with "must-do's" and "advices" or listen to them rant about their boy-problems. But I am (supposed to be) birthing life in them by inviting them into deeper realms of healing, to deeper walks with God, to deeper intimacy with Him. They may not be fully aware of this but this has been my deepest longing, not just for my girls but even to other women who have been lost, stuck and wounded just as I was.

Last semester, I had a camping class (oh yes, we have that in school) and on our last camp-out, I met this girl (let's call her J) who was silent throughout our entire stay. One morning, I saw her crying alone in her kubo. I had no idea of who she was and what she was going through but I knew in my spirit that God was leading me to approach her. And I did. I just started praying for her and offered words of life that God wanted her to hear. J was in desperate need of healing, of freedom, of life - of God. And from then on, she was healed, set free and brought to life by God and because of God.

This, in a greater sense, is what's in God's heart. More than worship-leading and all the front acts we do in church, this is what matters most - bringing Jesus' reality to them.

And it costs a lot. I mean, a lot. I often have to die a thousand small deaths to myself.

Most of the time, you don't get recognized with what you do, no matter how radical and life-changing it may be. The story I told you earlier, for instance - it was only me and God who witnessed everything that happened. And sometimes, the people you invest your lives into, don't really see how much effort, love, tears and prayer you pour your heart into. And let's all be honest here, it hurts our pride - it even shatters it.

Thus, mothering is not only about the ones we are birthing our lives in. It's also God working in our own hearts too. Admit it, it is difficult to love. Being a "mother", then," exposes our weakness and our selfishness and our bent toward sin. And it's a good thing ;) He is bringing forth life in us to bring forth life to others. :)

But regardless of the cost, this what we call "mothering" is undoubtedly powerful - it brings light and beauty to a dark and fallen world.

Of course, one learns this from her mother. And I must say my Mom has done a great deal of this. Although she may not be perfect and often we disagree with a lot of things and hurt each other, she is the greatest ezer I have ever known. And I appreciate all that she has done and is doing to mold me into the woman that God has called me to be. I could truly say that "she done a beautiful thing for me."

I, in turn, seek to do and be something beautiful for others and for the next generation.