Courtship, dating, marriage and concepts related to these have been twisted and evolved into different forms. And of course, as we become more exposed to varying influences - school, family, peers, church, etc., well, inevitably, we hear (and often adhere) to their varying principles.
So for the sake of "validity," "reliability" and "relevance," let me share my brain-farts on courtship.
Courtship came from the French word "corteare" which means to pay homage. Interesting, eh? From this, we get the word "courteous" which we often define as the "proper" attitude shown either towards the elderly or in a formal gathering.
Regardless of gender, I think we'd all agree that there is no universal standard on how to court a girl (okay, wait, a woman). It actually depends on which culture you belong to (or you'd like to adapt to). Months ago, I was reading Persuasion by Jane Austen (I'm not into mush lit, to be frank) and it just depicted how rigid the "courtship rules" were during that time in Britain. Why, you may ask? Because the guy wants to pursue the woman whom he wants to marry. During the Victorian Era in UK (I couldn't remember what year exactly though), it was difficult for men and women to talk; a "formal introduction" was a necessity. Once introduced, the guy gives a "romantic cheezy card" to the woman he's interested in. She will, then, decide which card "wins her heart." Not only that, all the courting happens in the house of the woman (see how I'm emphasizing the woman and not a girl *wink*), habang nakabantay ang mga magulang.
In the Philippines, if you've seen old films or read history which I doubt, we actually have our own style of courting too. Harana. Torpedo (torpe in short). Tulay. Maria Clara. Ligaw. Pamamanhikan. Etc. We know all that. The guy "proves" himself to both the woman and her parents. He'll reach for the stars and swim the ocean. (Ugh. Hyberbole. How I've always hated exaggerating :)) ) But in our culture, notice the significant influence of the family in courtship. From courtship to marriage, the guidance and counsel of the parents through time have always been important (well I'd have to say, in general, yes). Another *wink*
So I won't try to make this sound pretty, I'll just say these head-on.
If you're currently courting/ planning to court soon or in the future (if not, then close the tab now and read this when you're ready), know that there's a right time to pursue.
Ever rode the MRT? Even if you arrived early, you'd still have to wait for the next train. The famous "everything is made perfect in God's time," I believe is still true today, despite the post-modern culture's urge for fast-paced lifestyles and wants. If you already have a "prospect," well, try to discern the climate - both your and her priorities, feelings, etc. Timing is everything, they say.
So don't say anything 'til you are ready to really "win her heart." Don't put a "reserved" label on her. That is not fair at all.
Second, pursue her out of right motives.
I just find it foolish if a guy pursues a girl because of social pressure. Probably, because of the "machismo" stigma - "maybe if I have a girlfriend, or if I get her to like me, maybe I really am a 'man.'" The teasing of the barkada actually is a significant factor, I noticed. For example, the concept of "reto." Natukso lang, tinuluyan na. "Jon and Ana sitting on the tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g---" Go, court, if your serious with both your plans and with what you feel. But think before you initiate. The heart of the woman is precious to God so be careful not to toy with her emotions. 'Cause if you start making a move, it is inevitable for her to expect from you. And eventually, when she says yes, that's a real "yes," it ain't a game, dearie.
Third, carefully examine her character (and not just her curves).
Hanging around with my guy friends helped me observe that men are indeed visual creatures. They notice the curves, how her nape looks like, etc. And often, we tend to get caught up with the physical than the "real." Although I'm not saying that women should be dressed up in turtleneck and floor-length skirts. We women are ought to display beauty, I mean, that's our nature. But more than the physical, real men are captivated by the beauty inside. Don't be deceived by her charm. See her for who she really is. And then decide.
If you really are serious in your pursuit, then court her family first before you step up to your game. Know whom she values, how they care for her, etc. Love whom she loves. Don't just try to impress them; respect them. Honor them. It'll show that your intentions are clear and pure. Tip? Court her in her home.
All these I'm sure will be beneficial for you when you'll have a family of your own (I mean, that's if you think that ahead).
Men, be a sincere, genuine gentleman.
Personally, I cannot stand fakes. Pretensions always have expiration dates, you know. For an incredibly sensitive person like myself, I naturally sense the sincerity of one's words or actions. And often one knows if a person is sincere or not, well, unless you're really thick-headed. Of course, it's a normal action for a guy to "impress." But impress because you want to know her and for her to know the real you. Show them who you really are - with warts, pimples and all. Show her your real intentions. It's difficult to keep up with a mask. I've tried it for years; it almost warped me (and well, my relationships [not romantic] too). Most relationships are destroyed because of the "chameleon mechanism." So stop hiding. Just be you, bro.
Oh and one more, be man enough to stand by what you say. Don't just impress with poetry, flowery and beautifully-tailored words, or serenade with a soulful tune. Mean what you say. It'll show anyway ;)
If you really love her, you'll fight for her. Like what they always say, "kapag walang tiyaga, walang nilaga." She was created to be pursued. And you were wired to fight for your Beauty. So if all is settled in your heart and you know that you're ready, then go, fight. And never ask the question, "may pag-asa ba ako?" Don't you think the reason why you're courting her is because you want to increase the chance for her to love you back? Right? So until she tells you to stop, keep fighting. You gotta take the risk. Be not afraid, bro. But know if it's worth the fight.
Every woman is worth fighting for. You just gotta choose wisely.
Let God orchestrate. He has your world in His hands.
But if you really want to fight for her, prove it.
(to be continued)
