Rolling Stone

I read an article in Inquirer this morning. Thought I can get something from it.

This was written by Michael Q. Orquejo, 26, is a research assistant at the University of the Philippines Visayas.

WHEN I was in college, I believed that dreams could easily be reached from a skyscraper. Back then, my idea of prosperity was to get away from the scorching heat of the sun and the mud of the barrios. Thus full of enthusiasm and hope, I immediately left for Manila after receiving my priceless college diploma. I left my sleepy hometown of farmers, fishermen and vegetable peddlers to look for the proverbial greener pasture elsewhere.

I took a boat to Manila in May 2007, hoping to land a good-paying job in the big city. I was immediately thrilled and mesmerized by the skyscrapers along EDSA. I searched the classified ads as soon as the bus arrived at the Araneta Center in Cubao, Quezon City and had my first taste of the bitter truth when I saw the employment ads. Most companies were hiring accountants and business graduates. I felt alienated. I had finished sociology in college. I was trained for social science research. It seemed that I had no place inside a skyscraper.

But I saw that several companies were hiring call center agents. One just had to speak fluent English to be hired. I took my chances and tried to disguise my Kinaray-a accented English to pass the oral exams. Luckily, I was hired by the human resources personnel who believed in learning curves.

In June that year, I started working inside a skyscraper. It was quite close to what I was aiming for. I was working several floors above the ground and a little closer to heaven. I thought that I was on my way to realizing my dreams.

I was wrong. My body could not take the punishment of working the graveyard shift. Several irate calls from customers in the United States every night made things worse. I decided that working in a call center was not my calling and a skyscraper was not my ladder to success.

When I learned that one of my college professors needed a research assistant, I immediately expressed interest in the job. She called me and I was hired. I resigned from the BPO company in Ortigas on the same day.

My brother, who was (and still is) working for a multinational BPO company, disapproved of my decision to resign. He said I was like a rolling stone which would gather no moss. A job in the city paid higher than employment in the province, he reminded me.

I just shrugged and told him I hated moss. I left Manila in July of the same year and was back in our place with the scorching heat and the mud.

As things turned out, my work as a research assistant has given me a sense of purpose and value. My job takes me to places I have not dreamed of going to. Under the heat of the sun, I trudge to far-flung barrios. Under heavy rains, I hop from island to island. My job is never boring. It is not monotonous like a day job in the city. It is very challenging.

My most memorable experience so far happened in a remote barrio up in the mountains of Antique which we reached only after several hours of hiking. The weather was bad when we made the trip. We had to walk through heavy rain and strong winds and climb steep slopes to get to our destination. When we arrived at the barangay center, people flocked to us. They offered steamed kamote and gabi, and apologized that it was all they could offer.

As we conducted our focus group discussion, the whole barangay was present and listening. We gave them snacks (we always make sure to bring food to the field for our respondents), but some parents kept them in their pockets, saying they were for their kids. Some are very thankful even if what we had was just candies and cheap biscuits.

When we were about to leave, the barangay chairman insisted that tanods should accompany us.

On our way back to town, we passed through a different path, a short cut to the national highway. We passed creeks and ricefields and were greeted by people along the way. These people were farmers, whose simplicity and hospitality will touch the heart of any outsider.

All the research work we have undertaken were project-based. The job does not promise me security. It doesn’t pay for my SSS and PhilHealth premiums. And there was a time when we had no grant so that I had to go to Manila to look for a temporary job. But when another research project came, I happily turned in my resignation and packed my things.

I can say that with research, I am having the adventure of my life. There are so many things I have learned on the job. I have worked with great people. I have met interesting folks. And I learned new ideas. Most of all, I have learned to be patient and hardworking.

Since 2007, I have been involved in several projects. But I know that someday I have to stop rolling and gather some moss because I am not getting any younger.

Perhaps, my brother was right: I am a rolling stone. I just hope that as I roll, I am helping clear the path towards the development of our nation through research.

 

Bare naked

I have learned that honesty is sometimes its own reward,

often the silent partner of peace,

the herald and chief supporter;

restrained only by fear.

Sadly I cannot say I am fearless.

More often I am a coward.

I don’t believe it is bravery that compels me now—I am just tired.

I am too tired to live one more moment with a fake smile on my face

that I do not feel in my heart.

Too tired to swallow another unkind word

without a simple, quiet, loving, “That hurt.”

I have just worked too hard on being honest,

struggled too long to overcome fear,

pressed too deep into my own soul for the truth of who I am,

to now project just an image—a façade of my real self.

I have known dishonesty

and I have been greatly dishonest.

I have covered, schemed and plotted over my sins.

I am now just tired.

I am too tired to play the game or hide.

This is me—honestly me—warts and all, sins and all.

This wall must and is coming down however slowly, however painfully.

Please, all I ask, is that you walk lightly

and watch your step.

You see, it has become apparent,

that an open heart wounds more easily.

And while my ambition is to be more boldly honestly who I am,

I am still only human.

 

Dear You

Dear Tipay,

I just want to let you know that I've been praying for you.

I have been asking God to give you His heart - a heart that is selfless, undignified and abandoned to real worship and real intimacy with Our King.

I pray that He would mold you to become a strong man - with a pure and brave heart and clear vision. I want you to seek Our King.

I pray that you prepare your heart as I prepare mine and as we fulfill our mission in this generation.

Oh, and it's okay to cry. I still love you nonetheless.

I pray that He will complete you. And reassure you that His love is all you need.

I pray that you become a real worshiper - one who is irrevocably in love with God.

I pray that He will show you what real love is.

I pray that your soul would thirst for God and your spirit would yearn for Him.

I pray that you become holy.

I pray that your past, your present and future will be surrendered to Jesus. May your dreams be laid down before His feet.

May you preach justice and righteousness.

May you be the light of this nation, of our generation.

May your life be a life of worship.

Even if you're my Jonathan, my helpmeet, my partner in the battlefield, I pray that you would have a heart like David - a man after God's own heart.

I speak forth victory over every battle that you will face.

May you seek to be like Jesus.

Dear you, I pray that your heart burns for God.

There's so much more that I want to pray for but I just want you to know that though I haven't met you, I love you with all my heart. And dear you, I promise you that I will fight with you, dream with you, laugh and cry with you. I will be here to protect you, back you up not just in times of need and will support you as we embark on our journey together.

And as early as now, I thank God for giving you to me.

I know we will both start a revolution.

I know we will.

I honor you.

I trust you.

And I will love you always.

Prepare your sword, love. And fix your armor.

See you soon in the battlefield.

With all love,
Mica
a.k.a. Mulan/Juliet/Arwen/Elizabeth/Mrs. Potato/Rose/Jasmine/Helen of Troy/Cinderella

First Day Hay

I just noticed I never wrote anything about my first day in school - both in La Salle and in UP.

Well, yeah. Today was the first day of my second semester in UP. And nothing really interesting occurred today. I actually missed out my first class (which is apparently PE boo me) because I had to bring my sister and cousin to school.

I have a Geography class which seems boring. My Journalism class, believe it or not, excites me because I will finally get to experience the real deal of being a MassComm student. I vowed to myself I will read the news everyday. Well I have to. Despite of having a perfectionist and over-the-top professor, I am looking forward to her class. Excited even. :) A lot of my friends say you can learn a lot from her. So, we'll see how it turns out. On the other, Math11 (which I thought was going to be the littlest of my struggles) turns out to be hell. Not that I don't like Math, I actually adore him in many ways. But the moment the professor got inside the room, she started teaching. I think she's too smart for my life. It seems Math11 will become a big hurdle. My Spanish class, I hope and I pray, is my chillax class. That would be awesome (if ever) because it's my last subject for the day and by that time, I will no longer have much energy to pay attention or participate in class. Plus, my professor seems nice even if she's already old.

My biggest problem is commuting from one class to another. I'm going to be uber stressed every Tuesday and Thursday. My schedule's too tight; I don't have enough time to go from Masscomm to Math and from Math to AS. Oh tell me about it.

Plus, I am forced to exercise everyday. I mean, everyday. My PE class requires us to practice jogging around the Acad Oval for 45 minutes in three rounds. Ghad, how can I do that with a body like this?

But oh well, at least I'm sure I will get thinner after this sem. HALLELUJAH! Yeah, you gotta rejoice with me okay.

I have to motivate myself to write down my random thoughts and analysis about stuff. I have to. I suppose it'll be helpful to broaden my intellect. Again, it's about time to exercise both my body and brain. ;) Here we go 2nd sem! I hope it'll be a good one!

Change

I found this essay I wrote for my Literature class. Thought I could preserve it here.

Some say that college years are the best years of life. Some say otherwise. But often they say college is the most challenging yet interesting change. Millions of blogs, forums and Facebook status attest to how college affects or rather molds a person. We hear teenagers rant and write about these changes like living on their own, commuting to and fro, engaging in a serious relationship and making their own choices. On my end, this change we call "college" has just begun.

At a young age of 17, I can say that I've been through a lot of circumstances. I wasn't just an ordinary "Isko." I did not pass UPCAT just like everyone else; I am a transferee from La Salle, and I had to get through things the hard way. Truth be told, my mother was the one who pushed me to transfer to UP-Diliman. Although I have always wanted to study in UP, I was already settled in La Salle. But because of the financial pressure, I had to push myself to get high grades and transfer to UP; and it is not easy. 

But I have gained a lot from my almost two years in college. I had to learn how to never give up and never belittle myself. Cliche as it may sound, college (so far) has taught me that I was beyond who I think I was and it is through these hard situations where one flourishes, where one grows. And so, I will have to endure my next four years in college and I know I will because I can.

In three years, I see myself as a student who is more wise, independent, confident and motivated. I am probably having my OJT then, hopefully in a government organization or NGO while researching on different cultures around the world. At the same time, I see myself taking care of the youth church and ministering in different campuses. I want to be a lot of things and it will cost me ten pages for me to mention everything but overall, I know by then, I am remaking history.

Little by little, as I become more changed, I am certain that I myself will make a change.

Heroes and History

How many famous and high-spirited heroes have lived a day too long?

After having to endure the agony of waking up at 6 in the morning, my History professor luckily enlightened me ( what a good way to start the day, eh?) He began discussing about the Filipinos who revolted against the Spanish government. It's not something new really. Ever since first grade, we were forced to copy the names of Francisco Balagtas, Andres Bonifacio, Rizal, del Pilar, etc. We know they were all patriots of their time. With their wits and guts, they had persistently fought against the colonizers. We all know that. And we've heard it several times from different teachers. Yet most of us do not really know what it signifies. One doesn't ask, "why is it important for us to hear all these events and know these heroes?" Surprisingly, I'm beginning to understand what all these history lectures meant.

Rizal, our famous (and over-rated) national hero, fought for equality and with it comes freedom. As young as he was, he knew he was destined to become a patriot - to fight for the Motherland. He knew that. But he also knew that it will cost his life.

The three martyr priests, Gomez, Burgos and Zamora, wanted the same equal rights with the Spanish parish priests. So they fought for it. However blameless, they were sentenced to death - with their heads hanged and hopes alive.

Andres Bonifacio, with all might and courage, led an army to fight against the Spaniards. They were almost-victorious but he died by the sword, still believing that one day Inang Bayan will be free. But again, he had to pay the cost.

These men all had to suffer and shed blood while fighting for this we call freedom.

That was it. Freedom. That was their only dream, their only heartbeat. From the start, they knew what they were fighting for. It was not for their own luxury. It wasn't pride. Not position. Not riches. Not glory.

It was freedom.

But with it comes, sacrifice.

These men were courageous enough to face death because they knew that even if they die, they still believed that this vision of "freedom" will take place. People saw them fight for it, even 'til their very last breath. Now it is our turn to fight for it.

This is why our teachers, no matter how boring and strict they may appear, constantly lecture us about these patriots because we are made to become one. And now, it is our turn to fight for this freedom.

But are we willing to pay the cost? Are we willing to die to ourselves to see an entire generation free? Free from corruption? From lies? From mediocrity? From selflessness? From apathy?

Well, I am. Whatever it takes.

"A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself."


Could we be the generation that will fall upon our knees? Could we be the generation that will set the captives free? Could we be the generation, not calling lives our own? Could we be?

Hostage Taking - the Abasement of Juan dela Cruz

The entire world's been talking about the hostage crisis last Monday and I, together, with many Filipinos are deeply mourning for this huge embarrassment.

I read this article yesterday in the Inquirer and thought that maybe I could share this to the rest of the world.

Theres The Rub
Ashamed
By Conrado de Quiros
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 00:43:00 08/25/2010

YOU COULDN’T have watched the last few moments of the hostage-taking last Monday without feeling weak in the knees. And violently angry. The spectacle of so many dead, among them women, when they did not need to be so, there are no words to describe the absolute idiocy of it.

Sacking the entire officialdom of the Philippine National Police won’t do justice to it. A group of ROTC trainees or village watchmen, one that hadn’t undergone any training in the art of negotiation, would have done better.

What is the first rule in hostage-taking? Secure the safety of the hostages.

What was the first thing the cops did? Act like they were in an action movie.

Why in hell couldn’t they simply agree to all the hostage-taker’s demands? Or put more brainlessly, why in hell couldn’t they simply have humored him? Was he asking for the release of the most dangerous criminals from Hong Kong? No. Was he asking for a jet that would take him to another country? No. Was he asking for a cache of weapons to be delivered to a terrorist organization? No. Was he asking for the most unreasonable, atrocious, despicable things in the world? No.

He was asking to be given back his job.

Which alone must suggest the brittle, fragile, stretched-to-breaking-point state of his mind. If you’re reasonably sane, will you possibly entertain the prospect of being reinstated after embarking on a course of action that terrorizes women and children, embarrasses the government, and threatens an international incident? You know you’re dealing with someone like that, and you don’t just go along with him the way you would a mental inmate holding a knife? What will it cost you to do it? You figure you’ll be bound by any agreement you get into that way?

The tack of humoring him, or appeasing him, or calming him down was already producing results. He asked for food, and upon being given food, he released some hostages. He asked for gas to keep the engine and air-conditioning running, and upon being given gas, he released some hostages.

He asked for the media, but that one wasn’t given to him. Now I can imagine that some anti-terrorist code book must say that terrorists should not be given the outlet to perorate on their agenda, but again what were we dealing with here? A guy who believed he was sacked unjustly. Who might have cluttered the airwaves with his views about how robbery and extortion are not just grounds for sacking a cop a few months going before retirement, but who cares? Talk is cheap.

Lives are not.

Was it so utterly inconceivable to the minds of the so-called negotiators there that if they had given him everything he asked, none of which remotely constituted murder, he would have released all his hostages?

What boggles the mind is not understanding the mind of the hostage-taker, it is understanding the mind of the hostage-freers. Later they would keep saying as though it were proof of their professionalism, skill and preparedness that one of their sharpshooters managed to take the hostage-taker out with one shot after he went on a killing spree. Big deal. The question is: Why did he have to go on a killing spree to begin with? Leaving a trail of 10 dead bodies behind, including his own?

That wasn’t unprovoked. What triggered it was the police deciding to storm the bus after “negotiations broke down.” Specifically after the hostage-taker flew into a rage after his brother, who had been brought to him and fulminated with him about the injustice of his plight, was removed from the premises, and he fired a warning shot. Why should that justify an assault? A hostage-taker flies into a rage, you wait for him to calm down. Negotiations break down, you wait for them to resume. Of course every hour that the situation drags on makes the hostages more tired and hungry and fearful. But better that than that the swift conclusion makes them dead.

It was raining like mad that night. You could barely make out anything through the television cameras. The whole day, some officials were saying on TV that if this dragged on, it could hurt tourism. It would make the country the laughing stock of the world and keep the tourists out. So rather than pitch tent, drink coffee, and wait out the darkness, the downpour and the downed talks, the cops decided to attack. Who knows? They probably saw their names in the international news as the heroes of the day. They probably saw their names in the marquees in movies made after the deed.

All they will see now is their names spattered in blood. All they ought to see now is their names spattered in blood.

The Hong Kong government has slammed Philippine authorities for bungling the crisis. The world has slammed Philippine authorities for bungling the crisis. They have every reason to. This wasn’t a case of someone who was willing to blow himself up and everybody around him if the world did not convert to his beliefs. This was not a case of someone who was willing to shoot everybody up and himself along with it for the greater glory of his God. This wasn’t a case of someone who was willing to reduce the population of this planet because he heard voices in his head.

This was a case of a deluded cop who wanted his job back. If you can bungle something like this, what can you not bungle?

But beyond the anger, all I could see in my mind last Monday night while watching the mayhem with mouth agape was the faces of the hostages. Men, women and children who had been laughing earlier that day, taking pictures of the Luneta, reveling in the vistas of another country, wondering what new wonders the day would unfold. Who had now been thrown into depths of anguish. Who were now lying in stretchers, broken in mind and body. Who were now dead.

I was ashamed. I am ashamed. Deeply, deeply ashamed.



In behalf of the Filipino people, I am very sorry.

Because they say it's therapeutical

Well, writing as they often say, is therapeutical. I suppose I just need to unwind a little bit and break free form school and all those crap. (It's been a while though.) Reader, bear with me because this will be just another scatter-brained entry.

I noticed I haven't written anything about my UP experience. Well yeah. I was able to transfer here at Diliman, surprisingly, and it's been almost three months since I entered UP. Everything happened (and is happening) so fast that I didn't even have time to think through all these. That is sad, isn't it? But nonetheless, I was able to adapt quickly to all these major changes - new school, new people, new home and etc. (maybe I haven't FULLY adapted but still). Besides, I've always dreamed about studying here so I guess adjusting wouldn't be that hard. But partly, being in UP still feels surreal to me. I never expected that I will be able to transfer but for some reason, the Big Guy up there found a way to put the pieces together, and I'm grateful for that. In my first few months here in Diliman, I have learned a lot of things (I mean a looot) and I suppose I have changed and matured in some ways (etchos). Being independent is one. I learned to do things on my own. For instance, the simple chores of fixing my own bed, washing my dishes, cleaning my room and etc. Since I literally live alone, I don't have a yaya to rely on, which is actually good. Living alone is not such a bad idea anyway. Although it can get a little depressing, because you have to eat and commute alone and have no one to talk to about your day (oh, thank God for Facebook!). But regardless, life becomes more exciting and every day becomes an adventure - because you get to discover and experience things on your own. ^_^ So yes, I am enjoying. It is impossible not to learn anything in a day. And I know in my heart that this is where I belong. I don't mean to be arrogant but UP lets you taste reality. La Salle doesn't teach that or even Ateneo. No other school would teach you how to live life except UP. And it is where one flourishes and becomes a real educated person.

So I've come to realize that grades don't mean anything (well in the literal sense, it does because you have to have good grades in order to graduate). But it does not and will not measure one's worth. It doesn't define your identity. Grades are just mere figures and they do not prove quality education. A good educated man is one who is taught by real-life experience(s). So it's useless to get a Summa Cum Laude but have no experience of reality. I admit I am no genius, and I am not like other Isko who are incredibly smart and are eloquent in both English and FIlipino. But I am willing to learn and I will strive to learn and not just about how to read or write or do reports, but about the reality of life - the complex and kaleidoscopic life of a Filipino.

So I guess it sounds like I'm enjoying life :) Other things don't matter to me now (not yet). Hello, aako pa ako ng ibang responsibilidad eh nagkakandarapa na nga ako sa pagjuggle with ministry and school. But anyway, I'm still happy, cheerful and chubby (only now I have more peempels). But nonetheless, I'm still happy :)

A Year Ago

Since it has almost been a year since I graduated..

I feel like reminiscing what I said in that platform, before I was officially off to college

Three, two, one. Action. Family, friends, schoolmates, teachers and staff, at this very second, allow me to put the spotlight on you for you are the very reason why I am able to stand here today, with which giving thanks would be inevitable. To my God, the King, I give you the rest of my days. This, my Lord, is for You. Mama, thank you for your undying love and support. I wouldn’t be the same without you. To my Alma mater and the people therein, thank you for bringing the best out of me. Batch mates, I am grateful for each and every one of you. I am proud to say that I’m in the best batch ever. This, my friends, is not yet our final bow. The camera is still rolling. There are more pictures to be captured, more words to be said, more memories to be kept, and more journeys to take. Seniors ‘09, let the world watch us as we make history.  I love you.

Sigh.

My Best Date (so far)

There are just those days that you want to remember for the rest of your life. (I know I’m being dramatic, don’t stop me)

Today was not my ordinary Sunday (aside from the usual church service). After church, I had a nice lunch with my family. (Oh yes, I haven’t been spending Sunday lunch with my family since New Year). For a long time, I haven’t seen everyone smile and laugh and you know, just enjoy spending time together (we weren’t complete though, my tito and tita were missing in action).

I’m not really the type of person that gets all mushy and stuff like that. But yes, I am sentimental. I admit. Kinilig ako. Wait lang, I’m not yet done.

This is the kilig-est part. My grandfather (who doesn’t really like to hang out with us that much and you know the typical lolo temperament) asked if we (me, my sister and my cousin aaand my grandma) can go out with him and watch a movie for free (yes, he has free tickets)! *jaw drops*

So, I ditched all my plans in the afternoon and decided to go out with my grandpa (whom I call Papoo by the way). Kasi of course, minsan lang eh. As in once in a lifetime. And plus, habang andiyan pa sila, gusto ko sulitin.

So, we headed to Glorietta. It was really fun, kahit sa car pa lang, I feel that everyone’s excited agad!

Here’s a funny moment: since de-electronic na ang pagkuha ng ticket, nawindang si Papoo. He thought he was supposed to use the microphone (like the one in the drive-thrus). HAHA! It was really funny!

Then, it took us 15 minutes just to find a parking space (of course, it’s Sunday, it’s full). Buti na lang hindi naasar si Papoo.

And so, we bought tickets to watch Alice in Wonderland 3D! Since we had an hour before the screening time, we chilled out at Dairy Queen at nagpakasarap sa ice cream.

What’s more interesting is that, ang Dairy Queen ay ang date place ni Lola and Papoo. After fifty years, may mga sabit sa date nila – me, my sister Kamille and my cousin Bela. And so, nagreminisce sila. Cute diba? It’s not something that happens everyday. Tapos we kept on teasing them. Hehe. And they were actually laughing. Yes! Laughing! Oh, sarap talaga.

And then, they were both surprised kasi ang dami naming binili before going to the cinema. We bought two large popcorns and a big cup of fries. BONDAT talaga. Haha!

I wasn’t really sure if they enjoyed the movie though. Siyempre, hindi. Haha! Disney movie eh. Nakatulog nga si Papoo eh.

But I liked it. It wasn’t great at all. But it was okay. Johnny Depp is definitely a genius. Great effects. Great acting. Great setting. But the story was so-so.

Nonetheless, I had a great time with my grandparents. After the movie, while Lola and Kamille shopped at Landmark, I and my cousin Bela went with Papoo to buy at Ace Hardware (it is definitely a guy store). Ever since, Papoo loved Ace Hardware. At home, he likes doing carpentry, fixing electronics and all those stuff. Oh yes, it must be a guy thing.

After, we went to SM and helped him shop for socks. Yes. You said it right. Socks. Haha. He was actually tempted to buy shirts and shorts, cause they’re on sale. But he said he'll visit “some other time”.

So we went back to Glorietta to eat dinner at a Japanese restaurant, which was a favorite of ours. Super enjoy! Kwentuhan kami to the max. At take note, nagjojoke ang aking lolo. Oo! Cool pala si Papoo!

Aside sa maraming pagkain, niremind kami ni Papoo to really strive hard for the future of our kids, just like what he did and what he is doing to us. Sobrang nateary-eyed na ako, because it was one of the firsts when he made us feel na love talaga niya kami.

And kahit na we’re (we three girls) are away from our fathers, he reminded us na andiyan lang siya. Sobrang natouch talaga ko.

Meanwhile, si Lola said that you should make the most of the time na meron kami with them. She said, “it’s better to have us as your dates, kesa naman sa kung sinong lalaki, haha”

This is definitely the best date I have ever had so far. It made me realize how important family is. And how we should value them, especially our lolos and lolas.

Sometimes, hindi lang natin napapansin pero they do care for us; they care for our future, and our children’s future and our grandchildren’s future. They love us so much, minsan they just don’t know how to show it. But totoo – they do love us.

Papoo and Lola, I love you :)

“It doesn’t matter how much money you make or how powerful you can become; what matters most is that you have a family that loves you and stands by you.” – Mr. Luis L. Nuñez a.k.a. The World’s Best-est Papoo ever

Nakaligo ka na ba sa ads ni Villar?

I know I'm being dramatic but I feel like Manny Villar is stalking me these days. His campaign ads are just everywhere, there's just no getting away from his jingle, it seems. When I open my YM, Facebook and even whem I'm reading my friends' blogs his stupid face is there. I don't begrudge his financial success though, making it possible for him to have an expensive campaign, spending P543 M on ads so far. But this is getting crazy.

However, it looks like his campaign spending is working for him - recent polls are proofs. In all parts of the Philippines, kids are singing the campaign jingle from hsi TV ad and most of the masses would vote for Villar because "si Villar ang tunay na mahirap." The song might be cheezy but it's really catchy.

But seriously, his ads are creeping me out. If he's spending this much money to get elected President -- if he wins, wouldn't he try to recoup his "investment" from us? He's a businessman after all.

For One Second

No, I won't vent out (I'll try not to) Just let me scatter my thoughts for a second, alright? And yes, I will try not to vent out. (I'm not absolutely sure if that's a wise thing to do)

Anyhow, I think that each and every human, female or male, straight or gay, is pretentious. I'm sure this is not a new idea that everyone will be crazy talking about. But I think no one is an open book, even if you say he talks a lot about his self and shares with you stories that are realistically accurate with his identity. I think we all unintentionally lie (although we do lie intentionally at times), apart from the fact that it's part of "human nature". I think it's because we all want to be different and we hear it as we grow up from our parents, teachers and grandmothers, "we;re all different." Hence, without knowing, (at times I am aware), we forcefully put a mask and pretend because we want to be different. Maybe for some they just want to be accepted, not wanting to get hurt. I've seen a lot of teens like me trying and showing who they're not. I have a friend who show-offs that she is boyish and mean, but she's not. She thinks to herself she's not organized and feminine, but she is. She tells us she doesn't like the ordinary, but she talks, sings and acts like an ordinary girl. There is no difference at all. I mean, I'm not saying I don't agree that we're all special and made unique, I'm sure we are. But then, we exaggerate how we define what being "unique" is. As a result, a paradox. We convince ourselves to be different, when in fact others do the same. Hence, commonality.

Skip.

I think that a trisemester program is ridiculous. I don't see how students benefit more than the Lasallian brothers. I do learn in La Salle (okay I should warn myself I'm starting to de-crap) but I think that's not enough because I (no not me, my mom) pays thousands of pesos just to give me the best education not the best facilities there is. So, I learn in La Salle are all from the books and I don't see how I can apply it in my career in the next five years. Oh wait, what's my career again? Exactly. Political science doesn't seem like political science to me. Pardon, it's too early to say that. Why am I blaming the university, in the first place? Okay, moving on. I just don't find it practical to pay 60,000 pesos for every semester plus missing summer vacation. And then you graduate early, too early to get a job. Thus, you become a professional bum. Ridiculous, right? So why am I in La Salle again? I'm sure I won't be able to answer that even if I transfer to UP. Cross-fingers. I hope I can transfer. I know, I know. Bias, bias.

Anyway, I have a lot of work to do. (See, I'm lying) No, I will sleep. I want to finish my work but I won't. (Yes, I can but I'm too lazy) So I'd rather dream about my future hu.. Screw it. There's no use of being a hopeless romantic. I'm such a wishful idiot. Okay, I said I'll stop.

Au revoir!

(Yey, I learned something from my French class! Congrats!)

Okay, seriously. Bye.

On Chocolates, Prom Stunts and High School

It has been almost a year since I graduated. Yes, it has been a year since I waved "sayonara" to high school. It is unbelievable though how fast things happened. I mean, I didn't even feel like I graduated. I remember, exactly a year before, I had to make a blog about prom and all that shiz. Prom stunts, prom asks, prom gowns, flowers, MUs, chocolates, after-prom parties, green tea frappes. They don't really matter, do they? Now from where I am standing, I don't really see the point of all these mush. I know, folks. You're going to tell me that it's an event where you get to be a Cinderella for one night. But hey, I'm not saying that it's bad or what. But I just don't see how relevant it is when you get to college, when you start to see how serious life is, you see, things just don't exactly appear the way you imagine it. You get chills when you're with your M.U. and fancy about him until you realize that you need to wake up. He is not what you think he is. You are not what you think you are. Because when you dream, you need to always wake up to actually say that it is a dream. And then, you start to grow up and create your own fairytale.

My cousin is overly excited (I mean OVERLY) about going to the prom. Of course, she gets to go with her MU (oh the love of her life) and buys the perfect dress and make-up (even bought at SM just for her foundation). She asked me, "is your prom fun?" I bluntly said, "well it really depends on how you take it." And she gave me this weird grimace. "I think the perfect word to describe my prom is eye-opener." And then she gave me the same disgusted look. I just ignored her and thought to myself that prom really did help me grow up in a lot of ways. One, saying "yes" does not mean "I like you too and we're officially together." Those are two different things. Two, In real life, there are no happy endings. Prom does not mean that your night will end romantic and things will fall the way you want it to be. Three, you be true to yourself. You do not need to look so bongga or act differently when around with people. You don't have to act normal if you don't really feel comfortable. Be honest. Four, you don't have to please anyone or yourself either. You just let the cards fall where they should. Five, you don't propose anything at prom. Six. Prom is just an event, nothing more, nothing less. So don't make it a big deal. Seven, Prom is equal to soiree. Therefore, party. Eight, you have to move on. You don't have to be bitter. Let it fall right off your shoulder. Look straight ahead. Move on. Move on. You are no longer in high school. You gotta walk ahead and wait for the person who will dance with you until your hair turns gray.

So, for now. Wait for the chocolates, the post-it stunt and life-size teddy bears. This night and for the rest of the nights. It's just going to be you and the Prom King. For now, for now.

(I'm sure He's going to be the most handsome dude there ;))

2k9

Note: I think it would be a great way to end the year with nostalgia

2009.

It was definitely a tough year. At least for me.

College test results. Prom. Graduation. College. Kuya Joray leaving GC. Kuya Jeff taking over. New roles. Definitely rough. Plus the fact that there were a lot of tragic deaths like Michael Jackson's, Brittany Murphy's, Ate Nor's, jaw-dropper scandals and corruption like Hayden Kho's, GMA's, the Ampatuan massacre and of course, horrible and heart-breaking natural disasters such as Ondoy.

Many of us have been hurt and have faced humongous problems. For myself, I had to face a lot of big decisions that I never thought I would overcome. Not only that, I had to look for answers to questions that kept on popping throughout the year. Questions like "who do I want to be in future?", "what course must I take?", "why did God allow me to fail UPCAT and ACET?", "why didn't I get into UPLB?", "why did He place me in La Salle?", "what should I do with Justin?", "what is my role in GC?", "what do I really want?" and more importantly, "who is the real Mica?" I was not only pushed to face these but I had to face these with courage and yes, faith. I think that was the very lesson that I learned this year. I had to just keep on believing and believing and believing regardless if it is difficult to accept and understand. I kept my faith until today.

Failing UPCAT was a little acceptable but to not see my name in the list of people who passed ACET, it was unacceptable. I failed. Again. But I got through with it. I didn't have a choice but to accept that I ONLY passed DLSU. I know it was not possible to get in UP because I know am smart but, unfortunately, things weren't meant to be. I even tried to get into UPLB because I did not want to give up. But nah, it did not work out. So I just believed that God had a better plan for me. There must be a reason why. There should be. So at the end of the year, I think He did not want me to enter UP because I was not ready to survive there yet. At the same time, I would have screamed and grumbled about being in Ateneo everyday because I would not enjoy the culture and the environment it has. So, I am happy that I am in La Salle now, even if it studying there meant stress. Luckily, I adapted to the Lasalle life. I learned how to work under pressure, work fast, adapt to change as fast as possible, and become independent (at least at a certain level). So it was not tragic as I thought.

College had changed my outlook on life, love and all that jazz. It has taught me so much about myself as well. I knew what my strengths were and my weaknesses at the same time. I learned so much that I can finally say that it was all worth it. I became more open-minded, more analytical, more cautious, more confident, more organized and ask the other people how much I have improved (I hope they would say I did). I was boyless but screw it, I survived without having one. I was joyfully single and ready to mingle (kidding, not yet). I think the most important thing I learned in college was that you earn what you reap. When you have a goal and right motives, you will get your reward. I never thought that I would become a dean's lister for two consecutive terms. It was really God who backed me up each and every day, especially at some days where I cry all through the night and break down. He was there. That was the answer.

Being boyless is something that I am proud of. Although during the first few months of the year, I had a little (okay not a little) problems with boys. I was needy then. I was selfish. I was manipulative. I did not like him as much as I thought I did but I kept him drawn to me because I needed security and this acceptance every girl wants. But things went where I knew it was going. I left him hanging, saying that I did not like him at all. I did not explain the real reason why I ended things with him even if there wasn't any serious relationship between us. I just had to clear things up with him. So after a few months, I learned that I do not have to seek love and attention from boys. I had God. I had my family. I had my friends. That was adequate enough to explain why I do not have to have a boy. Eventually, I became happy. But it did not mean that I stopped liking boys. I was just focused on other important things that must be given more priorities. So the year ended without me having a boyfriend or even a suitor.

Because I was preoccupied with a whole lot of activities and responsibilities (without having a boylet of course), I was faced with a lot of challenges with the people I work and live with too. Being part of the youth ministry was not easy as I thought it was. I distanced myself from some of my friends. (I really do not know who aloofed first) Even my best of friends left me and found another me. (Im not really sure if they think that way) So I became awkward and even more quiet than usual. On top of that, some of them did foolish things that I did not want to believe. They went under disciplinary action. One even rebelled completely. But most of them just left. (And maybe we'll see them next camp) So situations in church got a little messy. Add the fact that Kuya Joray left GC and handed it over to Kuya Jeff, which was quite a shocker for most (even if we knew it was coming). It was pretty difficult to handle because we had to underwent (and will still undergo) a lot of changes. That means we all had to step up. I had to step up. And not just step up but step out of my own self. As expected, God told me to rise up and become Kuya Jeff's assistant coordinator. Honestly, I do not know how to become one but I will learn and I will try. It has always been in my heart to take care of people so I guess it wouldn't be that much of a problem. GC this year was pretty rocky but I am more excited on what God is going to do next year (oh this year)

I did not only struggle with my acads and ministry, but I also had to overcome my personal challenges. I had to face my insecurities, my past and continued figuring out the real Mica. I know I can be pretentious, alright I am. But this year, I just wanted to see the real me and let other know that. But I still struggle. I hope I did took off at least one layer of pretention. But more than that, I hope I matured even just a little bit.

Writing down everything that has happened to me for over the past twelve months would take a loooong loooong time so I will try to wrap things up. Despite of the problems and challenges that came my way, I learned a lot.

(Because I think stories are made up with good endings) One thing (okay two things) that overshadowed all the scandals and problems and failures is that I got closer to my family and that I learned to value them oh-so-much. I now know how important they are to me. And ultimately, God never left me just like what He promised sixteen years ago. He was with me every step of the way.

From graduating to getting my First Honors Certificate, He was there, right by my side holding my hand never leaving me no matter what happens until the next year ends, until time ends.