Spiritual Bulimia

I was just reading an article on bulimia and well, it made me think that perhaps at some point or another, we have all been spiritually bulemic. 

I used to be "another believer". I believed all the right stuff - that Jesus is the Son of God, died and rose again. I had become a "believer," but I had no idea what it meant to be a follower. People had taught me what Christians believe but no one had told/showed me exactly how Christians live.

So as we do in our culture, I used to think that maybe I needed to buy and succumb to more Christian stuff. I had everything Christian - T-shirts, books, devotionals, etc. I developed a common illness that haunts most of us Christians - spiritual bulimia.

Bulimia, of course, is a tragic eating disorder, largely linked to identity and image, where people consume large amounts of food but vomit it up before it has a chance to digest.

I developed the spiritual form of it where I did my devotions, read all the new Christian books and then vomited information up to friends, classmates and pastors. But it had never had the chance to digest. I had binged myself on church and whatever Christianese there is but was spiritually starving to death. I was marked by an overconsumptive but malnourished spirituality. I was suffocated by doing Christianity but thirsty for God. I thought to myself that there must be another way of doing this theeeng.

I remember when I was younger (don't get me wrong, I'm not that old), along with many others, had this episode of putting "Christianese" (literally) all over my bodeh (I hope you notice my sarcasm). Oo, yung tipong pinagsisigawan na "Kristiyano ako! Kristiyano ako!".

Church was cool, comfortable and well trendy (I'm not saying it's a bad thing though; I think it's a necessity to draw unbelievers not just in church but to Christ).

It was cool to be a Jesus freak, to be a "Christian". We preach Jesus whenever and wherever (yung tipong nakaka-annoy na). And it feels "good." It only feels good.

I call this spiritual masturbation which refers to the feel-good emotionally charged Christianity. It never really gives birth to anything except that.. well, it feels good.

But there must be more than feeling good, and doing church and "Christianity." There must be more than just handing out tracts or selling Jesus like a shampoo or a laundry soap (affordable diba?). Honestly, I used to feel like a used-car salesman like people's salvation depended on how well I articulated things. Shane Claiborne (one of my fave authors) even said that he had heard a pastor shared one time that he was in a "different kind of business" with the "best product in the world." What the hell, right?

It's a shame though that Christians had become so normal, that many of us are stuck (where? I don't really know). 

But I don't think Jesus himself was "normal." He never seemed to do anything normal. When our leaders anoint people with oil, he picked up some dirt off the ground to heal a blind guy and spits in it and then wipes it on the guy's eyes. What is weird? He turned water into wine to keep a party going. He walked on water, my goodness. It's scary. It scared his friends to death. Now, is it easy to listen to hear Him talk and walk away as if we had just watched a nice movie?

It's sad because it has become difficult to know who Jesus really is. Or what Christian life really is.

But the more I get to know Him, the more it messed me up, the more I became in love. Foh real.